...My uncle is in the same line of work as me and has high expectations for my progress at my firm. While I know my uncle cares for me regardless of how successful I am, I often let his high expectations alter how I interact with him. I feel as though I need to constantly communicate to him the ways in which I’m performing well at work. I feel like I always need to be well-composed when I see him and share insights into the world of finance. This has left me feeling like our relationship is fairly surface-level and that I’m afraid to be my true self around him.
TC2W has been incredibly valuable to me in processing this situation. It has enabled me to become more aware of the situation in the first place. TC2W gave me the tools to begin with seeing the many positives in my relationship with my uncle instead of just starting with the bad. It has enabled me to envision ways in which the relationship can be restored. In more recent interactions with my uncle, I feel less pressure to always feel like I have to be “on” when I’m around him. I believe TC2W will continue to impact my relationship with my uncle in the years to come and help us grow closer as I feel more equipped to be authentic around him."
...But daily these Uber charges were popping up, which put her account in the negative. She brought it to his attention. He said it was an accident - that he pushed the wrong button on his phone. Her other issue is that they are not close, but are just starting to get close. Because of The Call to Work, I have learned not to solve her problems for her, but be a loving presence. I am prayerful too.
She wants to get close to him. By showing her the Key Relationships Lens, she herself came to the conclusion to change her credit card number. She then told him that he is more important than the money. If he can't pay it back that's alright. It is more important for her to be in communication with her son. She loves him."
...because she thought that one of her children's medications was not called in and she was getting the run around. Finally, she spoke to me and proceeded to curse me out and tell me how unprofessional my office was. I tried to calm the situation (as I usually can by explaining to her that it was a miscommunication), however she told me that she didn't want to hear what happened, she just wanted me to fix the problem and she would never be returning. I was hurt, shocked and angered by what had happened, and my plan was to send her case to my office manager, and never see her again.
However, my spirit wouldn't rest, so I asked my husband to go through one of TC2W tools with me. After using the tool, I was able to see the situation differently - how God would have wanted me to handle it. The next day I called her and did not try to explain what had happened. Instead, I told her that I heard her say that she had been sick and I wanted to just ask how she was doing. I explained that God had put her on my heart and that he loves her, and if there was anything that I could do to help the situation, to please let me know. She began to cry and said that she couldn't believe that after she treated me so poorly and cussed me out, that I would call and check on her. She thanked me and hung up.
I know that it was TC2W tool that allowed me to see through my anger and ego - that guided me to see the situation through God's lens."
“And it wasn’t because he was genuinely struggling in the subjects, but because of tardiness and sometimes cutting school altogether. Upon reading the email from his Counselor, I did what I knew I could do – I yelled and criticized his poor decisions. It made me feel like I had some level of control in the situation, but I knew it only created more distance in our relationship. Now, on top of feeling like a failure of a mom in our performance-driven society, I felt like an all-together bad mom for my reaction. “What kind of parent are you?” is what the voice in my head was still asking when I walked into the workshop that day.
These feelings and more surfaced as I journeyed through the Key Relationship lens. The lens uncovered feelings of guilt, of not being enough, and showed just how much my identity was wrapped in my son’s performance. It also became apparent that although I wanted the relationship between my son and I to get better, I was more concerned about the image of failure in the eyes of his teachers and administration at the school. I was mad at him because I felt embarrassed.
I didn’t get all the answers in that session, but it started a work within me that God continued for the next few days. He gently guided me to answer the question, “what would it look like for you to take full responsibility for both your children’s behavior?” It seemed like engaging that question would have sent me into a place of unbearable guilt, but I trusted the process and started to write down specific situations that caused my children pain.
For three days God and I journeyed “into the valley of the shadow of death” right into depths of brokenness and pain – both my children’s and my own. God specifically invited me to stand in their shoes and experience the distress of looking into their mom’s angry face as she blurted harsh words. He exposed ways I parented out of unhealed childhood trauma and led me to the reality that no matter how much I loved them and wanted the best for them, the root of fear and inferiority within me would continue to cause pain.
I don’t know when it happened, but at some point the weight of fear started to be lifted. It allowed me to explore new possibilities for our relationship and approach my kids from a place of compassion instead of judgment. I reflected on the families of biblical characters like David and the father of the Prodigal Son. I started to consider how God “parented” me and how I could do the same. Most of all, my trust in God began to deepen. Instead of fearing my kids future, I was more confident in God’s ability to guide them where I could not. By the time I walked through the door of my son’s school to pick up his report card, my heart was hopeful about the future and I wasn’t ashamed to show up. I pray that God will continue this work in me and am so grateful for TC2W and the gracious, supportive community it provides me.”
Read MoreI had some data that could paint a different picture, exposing him in the process, but was unsure if I should share it. Using the formation framework, my breakout partners helped me see that I couldn't answer the question about action, until I understood the concept of my motivations. What truly were the motivations behind my actions and how does that impact my relationship with God? Spending the time to get clear on what my motivations were made the right decision a no-brainer. (P.S. I didn't share the data and best of all felt peace with that decision. As it turns out, the boss learned of the co-worker's character in a different way!)”
Read MoreThe Call to Work helped me to reflect on the situation and gain new understanding. I realized I was pushing away from teaching because, in my mind, it was a connection or reminder of the emotional pain I suffered as a pastor’s kid. I associated teaching in the church with judgement, criticism and insufficiency.
Now that I could see what was at the root of my resistance to teaching, I was able to approach the problem differently. I've decided to co-lead a group for TC2W. I can’t believe that I'm getting ready to teach again.
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