…In this posture before the Lord, I have been able to deepen my listening. Not just ordinary listening, but listening for what is good and holy, what is broken, what is my contribution, and what is impacting others. This has resulted in a change in how I approach relationships….

I have been thinking about throwing my hat in the ring for quite some time - for years actually, but for a whole host of reasons, I've been very reluctant.

We see these ventures as the work of stewardship, formation and discipleship. As a former banker and serial entrepreneur, I felt both excited - and overwhelmed– as the church looked to me to take the reins on this new business.

Heading into the end of the year, we were running at a pretty fast pace. To help us stay on the tracks, we set aside some much needed time to pause, reorient and fix everything that was not working. There was so much to do - so much to figure out. It was time to reset and rebuild.

We brought in The Call to Work to facilitate some times of reflection and discernment to help us with this. These sessions helped us tease out so many different ideas around the various aspects of the business and the ways we work. A lot of what surfaced related to “getting off the roller coaster,” with a central theme taking shape from our time together:

"Let it be easy, let it be fuzzy."

As a team, we’ve agreed to lean into this beautiful invitation from God. But truth be told, we’re actually more comfortable and familiar with the roller coaster – where we attempt to take the reins in every aspect of our work, striving towards a greater sense of clarity and control. Getting off this roller coaster is a real struggle that is hitting a nerve within each of us – permeating throughout all of our lives.

For me, it’s a constant push and pull. In all the various moments which confront me with something I don’t know how to do, it typically first feels like panic and a sense of “I have to figure this out. I have to create a grand masterplan so I know what I’m doing.” But then I take a moment, and there’s this gentle reorientation. It’s a call to trust more in what God has for me versus my own ability to figure this out.

"Ok, hang on – let it be easy - maybe it’s ok not to know.”

The panic subsides. What takes its place is not quite full relief, but it is peace of mind. I take on a new perspective that says “This doesn’t make a ton of sense to me, but I know that doing less and trusting more is the right way forward.” I don’t gain clarity, per se, but I do gain a sense of internal alignment. The other way can feel fragmented. This way brings wholeness. It feels healthier – like a breath of fresh air.

It feels like freedom. It feels like shalom."

...I had some fear in bringing this very controversial topic up, but our cohort really has become a community of grace

...having started a small business without knowing anything about business and feeling wholly inadequate. In the end, I fell in love with building a business. Over the years, I developed friendships with lots.

…The recent string of unarmed black people killed by white officers or vigilantes destroyed my spirit. I’m a 40-year-old black woman, the daughter of migrants from the deep south who came of age in the sixties in segregated Chicago.

When the opportunity arose, I was thrilled to be in discussions with our church leadership about a full-time position where I would lead and grow our church’s local outreach and compassion initiatives.

When I received the offer letter, the initial salary was much lower than expected, and I immediately struggled with feeling second rate. Was this what church leadership thought of me and what I brought to the table?

...I have always had vases and glass plates and other little decorations around my house that are important to me. My daughter sometimes rushes around and moves too fast. I’ve always told her to slow down, to calm down. Sometimes I get a little upset.

…TC2W offered the framework, context, and activities for parsing this brokenness (i.e., what is good and broken in my thinking, feeling, believing, and acting?) and then discerning a more faithful way forward. It culminated with me writing a prayer to start my day and a simple prayer for when I sensed the broken pattern emerging.

…TC2W help me to take a moment for myself and breathe. It was not that I was ignoring the tension or situations by pausing for I embraced them. It was more like instead of trying to peddle upstream, letting the current take me where I needed to go.”

The following is transcribed from the Making It Work podcast, Episode 1: Perfectionism and Imposter Syndrome, brought to us by our friends at the Theology of Work Project and Fuller’s De Pree Center (This segment begins at 23m:18s, though the whole thing is worth listening to! Check out other episodes here).

“When I first came on as a consultant to this company, everyone has been the master of their particular space, their industry and they're very protective..."Who's this woman coming in, asking me for stuff and doing this stuff?"...

...I had written a simple email requesting something for a meeting and instead of just giving me a deck that had already been prepared, this guy wanted to lecture me on how I was going to deliver stuff. And I got like a cat, the hairs were jumping up on my head. And I'm like, "I wanna get this guy. No, he didn't, how dare he question me?" And I was in the midst of The Call to Work, and I was sitting at dinner with my boyfriend. I slammed down my phone and he's like, "What's going on with you?" And I'm like, "Aah, nothing." And in my head, I went through that checklist of, "What is healed and what is broken and what is good."

And I said, "What's good is this guy knows his stuff. And he knows I know my stuff, because I wouldn't have been hired." What's broken is, "You know what, we don't know one another well enough”… I've been consulting for about a month, and we haven't really struck up any kind of bond outside of that.

So I tailored my response, was a little less curt than what I initially wanted to do. And then I asked him, "So how are you doing?" I later found out that his grandfather, who practically raised him, was in hospice care and was expected to pass any day. I learned that he had some other things going on…So ever since then, we were able to have an interaction that isn't just work. It's not like we're best of friends but we have respect for one another.

Had I responded in my old way- my form of "I'm gonna check this guy and put him in his place," I would have missed out on a deeper relationship of knowing more about him, of being able to show him that love and grace that he needed at that very moment when his world was turning upside down. I would have missed my calling…had I responded in…the way Erin would want to and not the way Christ would want me to."  

…and it's really changed the way I approach potential customers. Before TC2W, I would usually do some homework on the customer, looking for ways to help them connect with and see the value of our products. I would rehearse the various arguments that I thought might help to convince them to buy our products.

Now, I approach potential customers much more relationally - looking mostly to get to know the customer, and to better understand their context, their views of the world and what changes they'd like to see at their organization. Only when I sense that our product might further them towards the goals they've already expressed do I look to share more. And even then, I'm not trying to convince them of anything. I'm simply sharing information that I think might be helpful to them - including information unrelated to our product. I do more listening and less talking now. I am better at connecting with people, and setting the stage for longer term relationships vs. transactions. I more commonly see my work as a way to bless customers vs. seeing them just as the means toward growing my business. God has grown my love and care for potential customers, and I am grateful. I'm guessing my potential customers are too.”

...I realized it was something I had to address. He and I had been distrusting each other around the death of a relative and who should manage her estate. I wasn't trusting his intentions, and in turn, he wasn't trusting mine. He accused me of wanting to take her money and it was breaking my heart. I was the one by her bedside for the last months she was alive, caring for her in her suffering and it was an obligation for me to steward her resources in her death. My Dad's language was hurtful and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to forgive him for treating me this way.

As I walked through the exercises, recognizing how God is at work in this situation, it became clear that my Dad's reaction was not about me but about his own grief, and the Christlike response was not one of judgment or anger against my Dad, but simply letting him know what it was like to be with this relative in her last days, and reassuring my Dad that she cared for him.

Just after we did the practice session, and prayed for God's assistance, my phone rang. It was my Dad. I was able to explain to him exactly what I had just articulated in the Kingdom Orientation Worksheet, with the assurance and honesty of a Christ-led heart, and the response from my Dad was beautiful. We shared a moment of love and appreciation, and I hung up the phone feeling like whatever I give up to God, no matter how hard it is, when I apply these frameworks, the relationship outcomes will be fruit-bearing. I am so grateful for these resources. Thank you!"

...even in concerns about work that I assumed were too minor to bring to him. For example, I was feeling frustrated with one of my organization’s vendors, a contract company we have worked with for several years. The timeline on a recent project had been derailed by mistakes made by the vendor. I was feeling impatient with these delays and even starting to wonder if it was time to end our relationship with this person. Could I continue trusting her to do good work? 

Through The Call to Work, God showed me that the real issue underlying my frustration and impatience was fear. My identity felt threatened. Fear of failure and fear of looking bad to others drove me to blame and distrust this person. It’s true that she had made mistakes, but my fear was narrowing my perspective on the situation. Instead of envisioning solutions and potential positive outcomes – outcomes where God’s grace could overflow even in the midst of others’ mistakes or things out of my control – the fear clouded my mind with negative possibilities, fueling feelings of frustration and impatience. During The Call to Work, God invited me to give Him my fear and rest in His peace, to trust His grace to be at work in this project, even when it wasn’t going as planned. Without the cloud of fear, I knew that I could forgive the vendor – who had done plenty of good work over the years – for her mistakes. Most importantly, Jesus replaced my sense of fear with a sense of love. He reminded me that my identity is not in others’ opinions of my work or success. Instead, I am found in God’s love.

Now, when I encounter similar situations that trigger impatience and frustration, I have the opportunity to practice remembering God’s love and changing my old habit  of reacting out of fear." 

...I had a situation at work where I had to upwardly manage a difficult manager. In that situation I was able to take a step back to assess the situation holistically to understand the relationship i.e. what was good in the relationship, what was not optimal in the relationship, what would God want my approach to be etc. I was able to stay calm despite the tenuous relationship with my manager and approach our working relationship in such a manner that eventually led to me reporting directly to the Director of the group. Since then there has [been much less] strife at work and I am managing larger projects with higher visibility and responsibility.”  

...She plays her music loud, is rude. I struggle with her daily. My natural feelings: I don’t like her. But the thing is I just came from a [long] quiet time with the Lord. What’s good about the relationship: we are both made in God’s image. We seem to have respect for each other’s space. The brokenness is: we’ve never communicated. 2 Peter 1:7 [says] “and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love for everyone.” So I prayed, then today I talked to her.  It’s the beginning. I let God [in]. It went well and we wished each other a [good day]."

...My uncle is in the same line of work as me and has high expectations for my progress at my firm. While I know my uncle cares for me regardless of how successful I am, I often let his high expectations alter how I interact with him. I feel as though I need to constantly communicate to him the ways in which I’m performing well at work. I feel like I always need to be well-composed when I see him and share insights into the world of finance. This has left me feeling like our relationship is fairly surface-level and that I’m afraid to be my true self around him.

TC2W has been incredibly valuable to me in processing this situation. It has enabled me to become more aware of the situation in the first place. TC2W gave me the tools to begin with seeing the many positives in my relationship with my uncle instead of just starting with the bad. It has enabled me to envision ways in which the relationship can be restored. In more recent interactions with my uncle, I feel less pressure to always feel like I have to be “on” when I’m around him. I believe TC2W will continue to impact my relationship with my uncle in the years to come and help us grow closer as I feel more equipped to be authentic around him."

...But daily these Uber charges were popping up, which put her account in the negative. She brought it to his attention. He said it was an accident - that he pushed the wrong button on his phone. Her other issue is that they are not close, but are just starting to get close.  Because of The Call to Work, I have learned not to solve her problems for her, but be a loving presence. I am prayerful too.

She wants to get close to him. By showing her the Key Relationships Lens, she herself came to the conclusion to change her credit card number. She then told him that he is more important than the money. If he can't pay it back that's alright. It is more important for her to be in communication with her son. She loves him." 

...because she thought that one of her children's medications was not called in and she was getting the run around. Finally, she spoke to me and proceeded to curse me out and tell me how unprofessional my office was. I tried to calm the situation (as I usually can by explaining to her that it was a miscommunication), however she told me that she didn't want to hear what happened, she just wanted me to fix the problem and she would never be returning. I was hurt, shocked and angered by what had happened, and my plan was to send her case to my office manager, and never see her again.

However, my spirit wouldn't rest, so I asked my husband to go through one of TC2W tools with me. After using the tool, I was able to see the situation differently - how God would have wanted me to handle it. The next day I called her and did not try to explain what had happened. Instead, I told her that I heard her say that she had been sick and I wanted to just ask how she was doing. I explained that God had put her on my heart and that he loves her, and if there was anything that I could do to help the situation, to please let me know. She began to cry and said that she couldn't believe that after she treated me so poorly and cussed me out, that I would call and check on her. She thanked me and hung up.

I know that it was TC2W tool that allowed me to see through my anger and ego - that guided me to see the situation through God's lens." 

“And it wasn’t because he was genuinely struggling in the subjects, but because of tardiness and sometimes cutting school altogether. Upon reading the email from his Counselor, I did what I knew I could do – I yelled and criticized his poor decisions. It made me feel like I had some level of control in the situation, but I knew it only created more distance in our relationship. Now, on top of feeling like a failure of a mom in our performance-driven society, I felt like an all-together bad mom for my reaction. “What kind of parent are you?” is what the voice in my head was still asking when I walked into the workshop that day.

These feelings and more surfaced as I journeyed through the Key Relationship lens. The lens uncovered feelings of guilt, of not being enough, and showed just how much my identity was wrapped in my son’s performance.  It also became apparent that although I wanted the relationship between my son and I to get better, I was more concerned about the image of failure in the eyes of his teachers and administration at the school. I was mad at him because I felt embarrassed. 

I didn’t get all the answers in that session, but it started a work within me that God continued for the next few days. He gently guided me to answer the question, “what would it look like for you to take full responsibility for both your children’s behavior?” It seemed like engaging that question would have sent me into a place of unbearable guilt, but I trusted the process and started to write down specific situations that caused my children pain.

For three days God and I journeyed “into the valley of the shadow of death” right into depths of brokenness and pain – both my children’s and my own. God specifically invited me to stand in their shoes and experience the distress of looking into their mom’s angry face as she blurted harsh words. He exposed ways I parented out of unhealed childhood trauma and led me to the reality that no matter how much I loved them and wanted the best for them, the root of  fear and inferiority within me would continue to cause pain.

I don’t know when it happened, but at some point the weight of fear started to be lifted. It allowed me to explore new possibilities for our relationship and approach my kids from a place of compassion instead of judgment. I reflected on the families of biblical characters like David and the father of the Prodigal Son. I started to consider how God “parented” me and how I could do the same. Most of all, my trust in God began to deepen.  Instead of fearing my kids future, I was more confident in God’s ability to guide them where I could not. By the time I walked through the door of my son’s school to pick up his report card, my heart was hopeful about the future and I wasn’t ashamed to show up. I pray that God will continue this work in me and am so grateful for TC2W and the gracious, supportive community it provides me.”

I had some data that could paint a different picture, exposing him in the process, but was unsure if I should share it.  Using the formation framework, my breakout partners helped me see that I couldn't answer the question about action, until I understood the concept of my motivations.  What truly were the motivations behind my actions and how does that impact my relationship with God?  Spending the time to get clear on what my motivations were made the right decision a no-brainer.  (P.S.  I didn't share the data and best of all felt peace with that decision.  As it turns out, the boss learned of the co-worker's character in a different way!)”

The Call to Work helped me to reflect on the situation and gain new understanding. I realized I was pushing away from teaching because, in my mind, it was a connection or reminder of the emotional pain I suffered as a pastor’s kid. I associated teaching in the church with judgement, criticism and insufficiency.  

Now that I could see what was at the root of my resistance to teaching, I was able to approach the problem differently. I've decided to co-lead a group for TC2W. I can’t believe that I'm getting ready to teach again. 

On one occasion, I had a patient whose baby suffered from a heart defect. The baby also was not growing as expected and the mom was in denial of the current situation. She was known for abruptly leaving the office whenever she heard bad news, and returned at her own convenience. This really irritated my co-workers because it would always put us behind schedule. One day, during a scan, I was able to talk to her and listen to her story. I couldn't help but notice how TC2W's framework helped me identify brokenness and care for my patients on another level of God's grace and compassion.

Viewing work through TC2W's lenses and frameworks, I've now grown in confidence to serve people who are broken physically and spiritually."

About the job, families, even Trump the president. Two of the women go to church and say they are Christian. It hit me...to straight out tell them. If they want to find solutions to the problems, I'm up for it. Bet let's look for the good, though it may be harder to find, or let's even look at ourselves. By being silent for so long, I was allowing it to get worse. By confronting them in a loving way, it caused them to see a different way that was up-lifting. We have a much better lunch now."

Before my TC2W session, I didn’t think the relationship was of any value or importance. I knew my interaction with the person bothered me enough to not want to go to that gas station anymore, but I still didn’t think it was a big deal. After bringing it up in session, not only did I find many judgements in my own heart, but I also noticed the stress that the interactions caused. When we started talking about what God may want out of the situation, we discovered how His love and healing could be displayed in my personal life, in every interaction with this stranger (if I would answer the call), and how it could impact my community and the Kingdom alike. It doesn’t matter if it’s a close relative, co-worker or stranger, every one of our interactions with others matter! God wants all of our brokenness to be healed and if I decide to be intentional in my daily interactions with people, I come alongside Him in that purpose and His glory is revealed. My big a-ha was that I don’t have to look to necessarily make a BIG impact for the Kingdom, but purposeful impact in my daily interaction with others. These are the front lines of the Kingdom!”